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When a girl wants to be kissed by a guy, will she make it obvious?

Question

Dear Bryan, I was wondering when a girl wants to be kissed by a guy, will she make it obvious at all? how does one know when the time is right to go for the kiss? and is it a bad idea to ask her outrght "is it ok if i kiss you"? thanks very much.

Answer:

Yes, she’ll make it obvious and she’ll make it easy for you to kiss her when she’s ready for it. The challenge is to have you both wanting to be kissed at the same time so neither of you is rejected.

Depending on how long you’ve been together and how well you know each other, there are many times when "kissing situations" occur during the date. After you’ve kissed the first time, or had a "kissing session", you’ll both pretty much know when the other person wants it and there won’t be much pressure or fear of rejection.

So let’s look at the first kiss, when to do it, and how to do it with class, style and dignity. Traditionally, the first kiss comes at the end of the first date. But it’s acceptable to kiss a woman for the first time anytime after you first meet her. That doesn’t mean you have to, but you can.

Please don’t misinterpret "the first kiss" with "having sex with" because "the first kiss" and "having sex with" a woman shouldn’t happen on the same night. If it does, the relationship will be based on sex rather than on common ground and the relationship will be short lived.

How soon you kiss her after you first met her, and how you kiss her (friendship, passion, etc.), for the first time will depend on your value system and her value system. To kiss her before she’s ready will just make her feel cheap. Not exactly the feeling you want her to have while she’s with you.

By kissing a woman on the lips you give her a direct message that you’re not interested in being "just friends". It tells her you want to be involved in a romantic relationship with her. And you have every right to give her that message. But you want to make sure you do it with class, style and dignity.

...Make sure you do it with class, style and dignity.

By the same token, she has every right to tell you she’s not interested in a romantic relationship with you and, as a man with integrity, you have to accept it... gracefully.

There’s an old saying, "When a man goes out with a woman, he hopes he’ll get lucky. A woman already knows."

Men don’t generally go out with a woman they aren’t attracted to sexually, romantically, or both. But women often go out with men they aren’t interested in sexually or romantically. Why? Lots of reasons. But that isn’t the issue here. The point is they do it and that’s not a put down, just a fact based on my research from talking with hundreds of women who admit to having done it).

As a normal, healthy adult man, you have every right to pursue a romantic relationship and let the woman know early on you want sex to be a normal, healthy part of your relationship, if and when it comes to that. Why waste your time and hers if you’re not looking for the same thing?

So how do you bring up the issue of the first kiss? And how do you do it with class, style and dignity?

I teach my students that, depending on the circumstances of why you’re together (is this is the first time you met, your first date, second date, etc.), you both know the time you’re spending together is coming to an end. You’re both deciding whether or not you want to kiss each other goodnight and whether or not you want to get together again. This is important because you’re both dealing with the upcoming situation rather than your just taking her by surprise or catching her off guard. You’re both ready for what’s about to happen, for better or worse.

If you don’t know whether or not she’s had a good time, you can simply state, "I had a nice time with you tonight." And see how she responds. If her response is a luke warm, "Yeah, so did I," don’t waste your time wondering about getting a goodnight kiss. And don’t set yourself up to be rejected. Drop her off at her door, bid her a polite goodnight and leave with your integrity intact.

But let’s assume her response is a favorable version of, "I had a nice time with you tonight, too." When you get to her place, ask her, "Would you like me to walk you to the door?" You’re not looking for a kiss goodnight or for sex. You’re concerned with her safety. And that should be your attitude.

On a date your obligations as a gentleman are to pick her up properly dressed, show her a nice time and get her home safely. Her obligations as a lady are to be ready on time at the location you’ve both agreed on to pick her up, dressed appropriately, and able to interact in a socially acceptable way wherever you go.

Her obligations do not include kissing you or having sex with you on any level. As long as you realize that, you won’t feel she owes you something just because you took her out.

When it’s time for your final parting of the date, ask her simply and nicely, "May I give you a kiss goodnight?" If you’re in your car, your dialogue can go like this: "Would you like me to walk you to your door?" If she says yes, walk her to her door. When you get to the door, ask, "May I give you a kiss goodnight?"

If she doesn’t want you to walk her to her door, don’t try to force it on her. Accept it gracefully and ask her in a nice, friendly voice, "May I give you a kiss goodnight?" Don’t try to be sexy or cute. It won’t work. This isn’t a trick or a game. You’re letting her know in a nice way where you want the relationship to go eventually, that you don’t want to be "just friends."

The important thing here is you’re treating her with respect and allowing her to make the decision. In effect, you’re saying, "I would like to kiss you goodnight but the decision is yours. I have no intention of pressuring you because I have too much respect for you."

If she wants to give you a kiss, it will be on the lips. If not, it could be a quick one on the cheek or no kiss at all. If she kisses you, let her decide how long and passionate the kiss is. Don’t let one kiss lead to your sleeping over.

Kissing is a mutual decision, just like every other aspect of a normal, healthy relationship (getting together for a date, what you do while you’re together, having sex, etc.). If you try to force it on her, you’ll turn her off because you’re not showing her a level of respect she’s entitled to. By asking her in a nice way, you’re letting her know where you want the relationship to eventually go and you’re treating her like a lady, with respect.

Regardless of where her head is at in terms of being liberated, I’ve yet to meet the woman who doesn’t like to be treated like a lady, with respect.

If you remember your reputation is on the line with every woman you go out with, it will give you an excellent guideline on how to behave at all times while you’re on a date.

Good luck and God Bless.

Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of CyberDating.net, it's staff or management. This free advice is for entertainment purposes only.